When a friend is pregnant, it’s only right to bake some sweets when swinging by for a visit.

When a friend comes for dinner and you both end up drunk, sitting on the couch, talking the night away - instead of going out to meet dudes, which was the original plan - snacking becomes necessary.

The below oatmeal cookies were inspired by a Gale Gand recipe, but I’ve made some tweaks.  The peanut butter popcorn was just some drunk concoction that ended up working.  I made round two of the popcorn because I wanted to see if it held up in sobriety, and it turns out the drunk concoction was even better the second time around - with the addition of honey roasted peanuts.  

Crispy Oatmeal Cookies

3 sticks butter
1 c. white sugar
1 c. light brown sugar
1 egg
1 T. vanilla extract
3 c. rolled oats
1 1/2 c. all purpose flour
1 T. kosher salt
2 1/2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. cinnamon
Fleur de sel for topping

-Preheat oven to 350 degrees
-Mix flour, oats, baking soda, cinnamon and salt in a bowl and put aside
-Cream butter and sugar until fluffy, then add vanilla and egg and continue to mix well
-Add dry ingredients to wet and mix until combined
-Spoon batter on to baking sheet and sprinkle each cookie with fleur de sel
-Bake cookies for 8-10 minutes or until deep golden brown
-Let cool on tray for 2-3 minutes before attempting to place on a wire rack (the cookies are thin and delicate)

Peanut Butter Popcorn

10-12 c. popped popcorn
3/4 c. peanut butter
2/3 c. honey
1/4 c. white sugar
1 c. honey roasted peanuts
Kosher salt

-Mix honey and sugar in a large pot and let boil
-Lower flame, add peanut butter and mix until peanut butter is completely melted
-Remove from heat, add popcorn and peanuts and toss to coat - sprinkling salt while tossing/coating
-Place popcorn on large baking sheets, let cool and serve

Orecchiette With Broccolirabe, Broccoli Florets and Sausage

Jamaican Rock Buns

Jack Daniels Apple Cake

Recipes follow story

I’m not going to lie, I can’t, not here.  I’m always honest in this space.  I’ve been going through somewhat of a cereal  eating, lay on my couch and watch stand-up comedy phase - while burrowed in blankets and protecting myself from the world.

A downward spiral of thinking about family, dudes, should I go out - I should go out - but I don’t want to go out, has been numbing me.  Numbing me so much I have no new meals, stories or anything to speak of.  I’m a tank of this weird combination of elation and melancholy.  I know, it doesn’t seem possible to be both happy and depressed at once - but I am and I have mastered a balance with this shit which makes me OK.

The equation is:  happiness + sadness + accepting times will be good and shit = YOU’RE OK 

The Happiness:

To be on my couch eating cinnamon toast crunch and watching tv while wrapped up in blankets.  It’s feels so good and right that it’s almost wrong.  I haven’t been completely anti-social, I have Facetimed with friends so they know I’m still breathing and not just ignoring their invitations to get together.  Although I am attached to my blanket fort I am leaving my house and trotting off to work everyday - quite happily.  The tv I am watching is not depressing.  I’m not watching Sylvia and writing bad poetry like Daddy, Part Deux or Lady Lazarus Returns.  No.  I’m draining my brain on filthy stand-up comedy because cereal dinner tastes better with blow job, boob and raunchy sex jokes.  I do this alone and I’m more than happy that that’s the case because my faith in ever finding a life partner is slowly dwindling - but I’m comfortable with that.  Besides, I’ve booked and planned a trip to Tulum where I plan on starring the lead in How Tinamarie Theresa Got Her Groove Back.  I’ll probably sit on my hammock, eat alone and talk to no one for 7 days, while I avoid eye contact with anyone who dare look my way when I am standing in my bathing suit, but it’s nice to think that fun and non-traumatic nudity could be a possibility.  

The Sadness:

As I’m laying on my couch, with no life force, like a blob - but surprisingly not having gained any weight - not even as a result of bloating (this should be filed under The Happiness), I’m thinking about the fact that I’m unevenly wearing in my new couch.  I’m laying there, right, with more body pressure on the center cushion than on the outer ones. I think about standing up and doing a quick flip, re-arranging the cushions for even wear, but putting the cereal bowl down on the floor, taking the blanket off, getting up - all seem way to taxing.  I think about doing it when I get up to move to my bedroom for real sleep, but I just walk on by.  In the morning I do the same thing; I walk on by.  It’s like I don’t really care about my couch, it’s sad.  While I lay, on my couch, in my bed (wait, I flipped my mattress last weekend - THE HAPPINESS) my mind cycles through the traumatic events that have unfolded in my life in the past few weeks, like being left naked in my bed, family issues that have my mind in a whirl and wondering what I’m doing with my life and whether or not it matters that I don’t have a plan.  

Now, don’t be too concerned - like I said - I’m eating and I’m leaving my house for light socializing - I even managed to go out last Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  I just haven’t found it in me to cook.  Not once, mid-lay or mid-wrist  twist to get the right remote angle from couch to tv did I think I should be cooking, what can I cook?  I should visit the grocery.  Almond milk, cereal, grilled chicken and fresh vegetables have been tiding me over.  I’m staring at food photos I took, stories and recipes I haven’t written, that $500 credit from my food photography class.  I’m frozen.  When my heart’s not open.  Madonna went through a weird phase with that Ray of Light album.  In the Frozen video I always thought it would be much cooler were she to morph from scary Madonna, clad in black garb with that terrible dye job - into the Brandon Lee reincarnate.  The color and the way that video was shot always reminded me of The Crow.  I suggest a Brandon Lee button surprise to close the video if she ever does decide to revisit this song.  I would’ve been much happier had she done that from the get go.

Anyway, here are some old recipes, which are new to you because you wouldn’t have known any better had I not been so honest.

I could pretend right now.  Pretend that I’ve been cooking and chopping and drinking wine and giggling, but there’s so much make believe behavior going down around me that I needed to be brutally honest with you and myself.  

I hate myself for being so honest sometimes.

Orecchiette With Broccolirabe, Broccoli Florets and Sausage

3 T. extra virgin olive oil
1 lb. spicy sausage (remove from the casing)
2 heads broccolirabe (cleaned and de-stemmed)
2 broccoli crowns (stems trimmed, leave about 1”)
6-8 cloves garlic (peeled, smashed and sliced)
Red pepper flakes
1 pint grape tomatoes (halved)
1 lb. orecchiette (cooked al dente according to instructions and reserve a cup of pasta water)
Kosher salt to taste
Locatelli for serving
Olive oil for serving

-Heat olive oil in a large stock pot and add sausage, cooking for 8-10 minutes or so, until all sausage is light brown
-Add garlic and red pepper flakes, tossing with sausage and cook for 5-7 minutes
-Add broccolirabe to the pot in batches, adding more as each batch cooks down, drizzling with olive oil between tossing 
-Once all broccolirabe has been added, toss in broccoli florets 
-Cook for an additional 10 minutes, then add tomatoes, salt and cook until vegetables are tender and tomatoes have collapsed
-Serve hot, over orecchiette pasta, drizzle with olive oil and top with grated Locatelli

Jamaican Rock Buns

To complete my West Indian dinner,  which took place over a month ago, and I still haven’t posted all of the recipes – pathetic -  I landed on these sweet treats.  I referenced a recipe from The Trini Gourmet and combined it with my very own scone recipe.  You can find the recipe and some background info on Jamaican Rock Buns or Toto – right here.

Jack Daniels Apple Cake

I had a bottle of Jack in the house.  Rather than have friends over for shots or enjoy a little sip over ice while laying, alone on my couch – that’s just a suicide PSA waiting to happen – I cooked with the stuff.

3 apples (peeled and cut into cubes)
2 T. Jack Daniels
1 1/2 c. flour + 2 T.
1/3 c. white sugar + 2 T.
2 tsp. baking powder
Zest from 1/2 of a lemon
1/2 c. milk
1/2 c. half and half
1/2 c. slivered almonds
1/3 c. light brown sugar
1 stick of butter

-Preheat oven to 350 degrees
-In a small bowl, toss apples with 2 T. of sugar and 2 T. of Jack and put aside
-In a large bowl, sift together 1 c. flour, 1/3 c. white sugar and baking powder, add lemon zest, then gently whisk in all milk and half and half and put aside
-Place 3 T. of butter in an 8”x8” pyrex dish and place in the oven until butter melts (this is to prep your baking dish)
-Put remaining 1/2 c. of flour, brown sugar and slivered almonds in a bowl and mix
-Melt remaining 5 T. of butter (in a small bowl) and add to above flour, brown sugar an almond mix, using a fork to coat almonds - and put aside
-Remove buttered pyrex dish from the oven (should be well melted) 
-Pour batter into the pyrex dish
-Spoon apples over top - DO NOT MIX
-Sprinkle almond crumble topping over the top 
-Bake in the oven for 35-40 minutes, until cake is deep golden brown
-Cool on a rack, cut chunky boozy slices and lay on your couch 

Struffoli

Recipe follows story

It wouldn’t be Christmas without a dose of hot, sticky, balls.

Struffoli are little flavor packed balls of dough that are deep fried, coated with honey, nuts and sprinkles.  They’re traditionally served on Christmas and Easter, but the Corrado’s only made and consumed Struffoli but once a year.  I don’t believe my mother liked cleaning up after these balls had exploded their goodness all over her tiny kitchen, so doing it two times a year wasn’t in the cards.  We would never dream of buying them from a bakery:  Tinamarie - they’re like cardboard.  They look like marbles and taste like marbles.  Mine are better.  My mother’s rants went something like that.  So, she and my father got to work - every year - fearless in their Struffoli making.  Turning out enough batches to feed an army, which is what was necessary to keep the folks in the Corrado home happy.

There were also no boundaries for Struffoli consumption.  Picking into the Struffoli plate days before Christmas, go ahead - but don’t eat too many - is what my mom would tell us.  Following fish salad on Christmas Eve dinner, of course - bring out the plates of Struffoli.  Christmas morning, sure - why not?  And don’t forget the Panettone and rum.   

Last year I went on and on about Struffoli and how I could never make it because it takes a certain level of patience.  Patience that I do not have when it comes to rolling out sticky dough, cutting snakes of said dough into perfect bite sized pieces, and then deep frying batches of little balls until they’re golden brown.  Then there’s the honeying and the mounding of the balls on to plates.  And the wrapping, and the sticky table, pots, remote controls - anything you touched in the Struffoli making process - sticky and tainted for days on end.

It’s a process, a process I’ve been unwilling to go through - even though those little sticky balls are delightfully addictive.  My mother would mound them a mile high, on a plastic holiday plate, using a glass to create the shape.  Once all of the Stuffoli settled, the honey would collect in the center of the large plate, and I can still see my father digging his fingers into the pool of honey and picking out the balls that were coated the most.  Mom would make Louis his own batch and every night, he would sit on the living room couch with a spoon and a cup of coffee and tear into his plate of sugary sweet delight.  

I’m spending Christmas with my Aunt Deb, Uncle Al and Cousin Danielle.  Of course, Struffoli is their favorite holiday treat.  My aunt makes about 1500 cookies in a holiday season, but she doesn’t mess with the hot, sticky, balls.

The woman takes me into her home and treats me like her own, I wasn’t going to roll out dough, cut, fry, and live in a honey  coated world all to make their little mouths happy?  I would be the worst niece ever if I showed up Struffoli-less.

On with the rolling, cutting and frying I went.  Unstoppable in my ripped yoga pants, that I never do yoga in, a wife beater and a bandana.  Flour coating my freshly cleaned tiled floor, fingers stuck together with tacky dough, oil popping in my face - I got to work.  Two batches, done.  Two batches pales in comparison to the eight my mom and dad make every year, in addition to her 15 some odd varieties of cookies.  I’ll get there.  Someday.  I hope.    

Making a mess with hot, sticky, balls was worth seeing the smile on my aunt, uncle and cousins faces.  When they saw the plates of Struffoli sitting on my kitchen table, I thought they saw heaven on earth.

When we sat on the couch watching It’s a Wonderful Life, passing the plate of Struffoli back and forth - picking apart the little balls with our little paws - my uncle exclaiming, now everything is sticky - my sweatpants, the table, the remote …

I smiled and nodded.  

So long as my mother and father, the dynamic duo of Struffoli making, are not with us on Christmas - I must uphold tradition.

My family has been using the same recipe from the NY Times for many years.  It’s flawless, there’s a hint of booze in every ball, and this sweet treat happens to pair well with champagne.

Check out the link above and read some of my fondest Struffoli memories. 

Happy Holidays.

xo

Struffoli

4 egg yolks
2 egg whites
4 T. white sugar
4 T. corn oil
1 T. distilled white vinegar
3 T. rye whiskey or bourbon
1 T. vanilla
2 c. pre-sifted all purpose flour
1/4 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking powder
Corn or vegetable oil
1 c. honey + 1/4 c. white sugar
2/3 c. toasted almonds
Non-paerils for decoration

-Beat together yolks, whites and sugar
-Beat in corn oil, vinegar, whiskey/bourbon, and vanilla
-Add flour, salt and baking powder and mix to a soft dough
-Cut dough into strips, rolling into strings that are about 1/4 of an inch thick
-Cut into the strip - making pieces that are about 1/4 of an inch thick
*repeat making strips and cutting until you’ve used all dough
-Pour oil into a deep frying pan (we used to use a wok, now my parents are high class so they use a deep fryer) - enough to coat the pan and deep fry the dough
-Once the oil is heated, transfer little balls into the oil and fry until they are light brown
-Once balls are browned, remove and place them on paper towels, so oil absorbs
*repeat frying process until all dough is fried
-Heat honey and sugar in a large pot, over a medium flame, when honey starts to boil/bubble, remove from heat and add in fried balls of dough
-Toss little balls and coat in honey, adding in almonds and continuing to toss to coat
-Transfer honeyed balls on to large plate and let set in a giant mound, topping with sprinkles

Cherry-Chocolate Chip Cookies 

Recipe follows story 

I have professed many times that baking is not my first love.  At least baking cookies. We’ve slowly rebuilt our love over the past 18 months or so, but I’m still reluctant and scared.  I don’t completely trust myself to not screw this up.  We’re getting better, together, but we’ve a long road ahead.  Baking cookies tests my patience, but I suppose any relationship worth having takes work. 

So, a looming cookie swap had me in a semi-frightened state.  I have a food blog, so the expectation is probably that my cookies will be tasty and made with love and smiles … not cursing, floured hair, burned digits and tray dropping dilemmas.  

Sure, it’s a holiday cookie swap - certainly the ladies would be making ginger snaps, linzer tarts and other bite sized festive like confections.

But who says chocolate chip cookies aren’t festive?

Chocolate chip cookies are always a favorite.  Hand someone a chocolate chip cookie on a Wednesday or a holiday and they will be equally happy.

The chocolate chip cookie is also one that I like to hone in on and tweak recipes for.  What makes them thin and chewy?  Fluffy, fat and gooey?  Limited baking knowledge and research on my part has led me to: more butter and yolks, will make your cookies spread.  Brown sugar retains moisture in cookies - and using this over white sugar will leave your taste buds with a butterscotch finish.  Thank you for your help, Joy of Baking.  

From the ice cream sandwich cookie I adapted from Smitten Kitchen (which was adapted from All Recipes), to the standard Nestle Toll House recipe on the back of their bright yellow bag - chocolate chip cookies are always delicious.

A few things about today’s cookie, it’s a first try recipe.  A combination of methods and proportions from my favorite Toffee Bar cookie(made for last years swap) and the ice cream sandwich chocolate chip cookie linked above.

I did, however, add a little something extra …
This was an idea extracted from Tasting Tables The 12 Days of Cookies …

Per Tasting Table, I addd dried cherries to my chocolate chip cookies.  I split the batch, in case I ended up not being too keen on mixing my cherries and chocolate. The deep red cherries added the bonus of a color zing.  
I do enjoy a color zing.   

My best friend and chocolate chip cookie aficionado, Stefanie, would be vehemently opposed to my tainting chocolate chip cookies with fruit - but this cookie making session was experimental - so please forgive me.  I will never sneak fruit in your cookies, cross my pasta pumping heart and hope to die.  Really, I won’t do this again. 

The end result …
There should be no fruit in chocolate chip cookies.
The walnutty chocolate chippy half batch … Solid gold.

The batch with the dried cherries - like a loaf of fruit bread that no one wants.
Everyone ate them, I think - except Eva, who’s allergic to chocolate.  Poor thing.
But I wasn’t in love.   

They weren’t terrible, they had great flavor and the consistency of the cookie was hard on the outside, chewy on the inside.  I believe I’ll reserve my dried cherries for my pear, pecan and goat cheese salads and for my buttery scones.

Give this recipe a whirl (sans cherries, if you ask me).   I LOVE the flavor of vanilla in my chocolate chip cookie, but lessen the amount if it’s not your thing.  The cookie is nice and moist, and the hints of vanilla and butterscotch in this batch really make the semi-sweet morsels sing.  

Making this baking relationship work will be a long road indeed. 

The good news:  Nancy’s 2nd Cookie Swap was a rousing success, with cocktail wieners and stuffed mushrooms, holiday punch and, of course, 10 varieties of cookies. I trafficked home one too many sweets for a single woman who used to be overweight, but - ‘tis the season.  

Cherry-Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 c. all purpose flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 1/2 sticks (3/4 c.) butter (melted)
1 1/4 c. packed brown sugar
2 egg yolks
1 T. vanilla extract
3/4-1 c. chocolate chips
1/2 c. chopped walnuts
1/4 c. dried cherries (chopped)
*Bear in mind I only added cherries to half of my batch, so if you love cherries and you’re into tainting your cookies - add a half cup.  Tasting Tables recipe calls for 1 c.  - but I think that’s a whole lot more than you’ll really want.  

-Preheat oven to 325 degrees 
-Sift together flour, baking soda and salt
-In a large bowl, melt butter and mix in brown sugar
-Incorporate 1 egg yolk at a time and the vanilla
-Mix dry ingredients into wet ingredients until just combined
-Gently fold in chocolate chips and walnuts (cherries, if you dare)
-Spoon large tablespoon gobs of dough on to baking sheet (placing 2 inches apart so there’s some room to spread, although these are not flat cookie) and bake for 15-18 minutes
-Let cool on a wire rack
-Nom 

Apple Muffins

Recipe follows story

You know those apples I wished would bake themselves …

Well, thankfully, they didn’t.  
I actually needed them because they had a bigger purpose. 

I needed to make Apology Apple Muffins.

There are a series of photos on my iPhone, from last Friday night,  wherein my friend and I are smiling, pointing at wine bottles, staring at cheese with a drunken sex-like glow.

I hadn’t achieved a glow like that in months.  

There might even be a photo where I’m sticking my entire hand through my giant hoop earring and waving at the camera.

Clearly, one baked good wouldn’t be enough.
So I made a batch of Please Forgive Me Pumpkin Scones.

What does one do when they’ve gone out to dinner, to a fantastic restaurant in the East Village (where a family member works), gets loaded, takes pictures, and doesn’t calculate the tip properly?

That’s right, you write a card, bake a sweet treat and march back down to the scene of the crime - even though the thought of re-entering in sobriety is mortifying.  Even though the thought of walking through Tompkins Square park haunts you because you feel like you might very well bump in to someone you used to date while out on his night walk with his very cute dog.  Luckily, I only managed to bump in to Alan Cumming and his two dogs.  

I made the drop-off last night, and I was thanked with a hug and many smiles and Ciaos.  In making an ever so graceful exit, I tripped down the restaurant stairs and prayed neither my cousin nor his manager saw the slip of my foot.  

I left feeling confident in my baking decisions; as confident as I could be. I recalled a conversation I had with my cousins wife.  She recently made an apple cake and pumpkin muffins last weekend, so I knew they might enjoy seasonal treats in their package.  She and I often chat about baking and cooking and I know she understands my love for it - so there was no better way for me to communicate my feelings.

Sharing food and using words is the only way I know how to say thanks and I love you.

Sweets can heal any moment in time - right?

I know I’ve ended many an ill date with dessert and always felt a little better inside - even if I never saw the person again.  Sure, it doesn’t remove the awkwardness or a bad kiss.  Sweets do not magically erase the moment where you tell the manager at a restaurant that you love his voice. Then when he walks away, but is still in ear shot - you tell your friend you want him to yell at you in bed.  No, no, no.

But, I tried.  

There are restaurant rules and in my pea sized brain they exist as follows:

1.  Never go back to a certain location with a new date if you’ve had a bad date there.
2.  Never go back to a restaurant where you’ve gotten sick in or where you’ve fallen off of a bar stool in drunkeness.

Bad juju.  

3. Wait two years (or more) before going back to a restaurant where you feel the need to apologize (I’m sure I made a bigger deal of this in my head) for your behavior with a box of muffins and scones.  

I was happy to bake and put my love for food in a box and offer it from my heart to my cousin and his wife.  

I hope they enjoy the treats.
I hope I’m allowed to have dinner in the East Village again.  

Apple Muffins

2 large apples (peeled and cubed)
1 stick of butter + 3 T. (softened)
3/4 c. sour cream
3/4 c. sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla extract
2 c. flour (sifted)
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. kosher salt
1/4 c. brown sugar
1/4 c. flour
1 tsp. cinnamon
Non-stick cooking spray

-Preheat oven to 350 degrees, coat muffin pan with non-stick cooking spray a put aside
-Cream stick of butter and sugar, add eggs, vanilla - continue to mix - add sour cream and incorporate well
-Sift together flour, baking soda, powder and salt - adding to wet mixture and blending well
-Once flour is completely mixed in, gently fold in apples
-Spoon muffin batter in to pan and top with crumble (instructions below)
-Bake for 20 minutes and let cool on a wire rack

For Crumble Topping

-Cut 3 T. of butter in to small pieces, add brown sugar, flour, cinnamon and combine well (with fingers or a fork), until mixture is crumbly

Pumpkin Scones With Spiced Glaze
*referenced the Starbucks Pumpkin Scone Recipe, but made some tweaks based on my own scone recipe 

2 1/2 c. all-purpose flour 
1/3 c. sugar 
1 T. baking powder 
2 tsp. pumpkin spice
1 stick of butter (cold and cubed) 
1/2 c. canned pumpkin 
1/4 c. heavy cream 
2 large eggs

-Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and spices in a large mixing bowl
-With a fork, pastry knife, or food processor, cut butter into the dry ingredients until mixture is crumbly and no chunks of butter remain
-In a separate mixing bowl, whisk pumpkin, heavy cream, and egg
-Fold wet ingredients into dry ingredients and form dough into a ball
-Pat out dough onto a lightly floured surface and form it into a 1-inch thick rectangle
-Use a large knife to slice the dough into 5 equal portions and cut diagonally to produce 10 triangular slices of dough 
-Place on prepared baking sheet (covered with parchment paper or a Silpat)
-Bake for 14–16 minutes until scones turn light brown and cool on a wire rack before you ice

Spiced Glaze

2 c. confectioners sugar
1 tsp. pumpkin spice
1/4 c. heavy cream 

-Combine all ingredients with a baking spatula and ice scones 

Homemade Oreo Cookies

Recipe follows story

My childhood obsession with Oreo cookies led me down the path to making them from scratch.  Suffice to say, my make everything from scratch mother did not grace our kitchen cupboards with any junk food.  Oreo’s would qualify as junk food to Evelyn Grace. 

I qualified them as DELICIOUS.

But I had friends whose parents did harbor junk, and I thank them greatly - to this day - for filling my belly with preservative laden bounty.  

Jennifer Schroder was my childhood best friend.  Pretty, long blond hair, perfectly thin and petite.  She was the pretty tiny one, and I was her big best friend.  That’s just the way it goes when growing up, right?  One friend always has to be unattractive.  I was 7, I was unattractive.  As unattractive as a chubby kid wearing stirrup stretch pants, NKOTB t-shirts and puff paint jean jackets could be.  Then, when you’re older it’s all about The Truth About Cats & Dogs.  One friend is the Janeane Garofolo, one is the Uma.  Except, in the end, Janeane meets a hot Frenchman and my hot Frenchman has yet to arrive.  Instead, I bake.  I think. I remember.  I get lost in nostalgia.  I play nice with my discontent.  I reminisce about one of my purest loves, the Oreo cookie. 

I have Jennifer’s mom and dad to thank for my Oreo obsession, among many other positive childhood events - like vacationing in the Poconos, my first fishing trip, my first sleigh ride, summer camp, a place to sleep when my mom and dad pulled late nights at the hospital with Thomas.  I had Joyce to thank for pretty, long, well kept hair.  When I spent time at home, my grandma would do my hair - and I left the house looking more like a smallish immigrant child with no command of the English language, rather than a born and bred Brooklyn girl with a hefty lisp.  Mismatched ribbons, lopsided pig-tails, and too tight corduroy dresses with knee high socks binding my 7 year old calf fat informed my daily look, but not when I was at Jennifer’s house.  Joyce could style and do hair - which lessened my likelihood to get herbed at school. 

Herbed:  getting made fun of, picked on, harassed because of one’s misfortunate look and timid demeanor.

I always thought of Jennifer’s house (or, rather, houses - the one in the Pocono’s was theirs)  as the ultimate escape.  They were happy times.  Jennifer and I formed the Unicorn Club, we had a cardboard club house, Joyce bought us a button maker and we made it official.  We were the only two members of this club, so it was our little secret society.  A little secret society that had an office on the front porch of the prettiest house on 93rd St. and Foster Avenue.  In our office we made many buttons with different neon colored unicorn stickers and, being the only two members came with a certain level of privilege, as this meant we were able to make many button changes throughout the day.  In our box we ate Oreos - Oreos we did not have to share - until we were called in for dinner time.  The Schroeder’s had 6 aluminum snack trays to choose from, as we always ate dinner in their giant living room.  Jennifer and I planted ourselves on the brown shag carpeting, in front of the tv and enjoyed movies like Jaws.  Yes, we watched Jaws during dinner at age 7 because we had older brothers.  My brother Lou was best friends with her brother Michael, and the four of us would eat together, in the living room, while Joyce, Fred and Mable - Jennifer’s grandma - ate in the kitchen.   They weren’t the greatest cooks, so I went light with my eating - especially on the nights when pasta and jarred sauce were served.  But they loved me, they loved me in a way I needed to be loved.  Who cared about dinner, I always knew there would be Oreo dessert to lean on.      

A black and white checkered ceramic cookie jar sat on their kitchen counter to the left of the sink.  That jar was my own personal pot of gold.  

I loved every Oreo I ate - be it after school, in our office or after dinner. I was a child.  I smiled.  I jumped rope.   I wrote a poem, in my mind, for every one consumed.  When my mouth and belly were met by an Oreo, I was saved.   

Oreo Cookie Recipe

Peach & Blueberry Coffee Cake

*Recipe follows story

When I made carrot cake doughnuts, I felt like I might have been prematurely neglecting the final days of summer.  

Maybe I wished away summer too hastily.  I was really just tired of sweating so much, all the time, you know?  Sure I’ve been longing to wear my faux wrap dress, for a whole week, but these pale legs are semi-problematic.  I’m wearing the dress today, and although I feel like it’s covering the pooch last nights pizza created, my outlook on pale-ish legs with no stockings is dubious.  

If I had more of that Christina Hendricks look, I’d be set.  She makes pale and busty look super hot. 

One week of 65 degree weather and some rain and I’m tweaking.  It’s humid today, and I can’t wear stockings when it’s still humid. Stockings bind my belly, they make me itch, and when I undress myself and I look in the mirror to see my bare pale belly and my thighs swelling in black nylon - I shutter.  It’s too soon for that business.  I’ve been cornered into unveiling my pale legs to the world.  Or, I guess I could have just worn pants.  

I think this transition just happened too quickly.  Not tan enough, but not time for stockings.  

I guess I should’ve worn pants.

Damn you mother nature.   

I’m going to get over this.  I’m going to be fine.  I’m going to channel Christina and positive thoughts about pale legs, and I’m going to make everything all right.  

I’ve gone and gotten the last peaches and blueberries I could find…
Kitchen creativity isn’t my strong suit lately, I’ve been too sick, busy and out of sorts. When I’m jammed up I need something familiar.  My mind automatically goes to coffee cake because I know I’ll always make a delicious one.  Peach and blueberry crumb cake heals.  

I’ll eat it with my fading tan, and my friends and say farewell for real. 

When everything else seems wrong; the weather, my mood, my skin tone, my poorly planned outfit choice, my sleeping patterns - somehow food always feels right.   

Peach & Blueberry Coffee Cake

1 peach (peeled, pitted and cut into cubes)
1 1/4 c. blueberries
1 1/2 c. flour + 2 T.
1/3 c. white sugar + 2 T.
2 tsp. baking powder
Zest from 1/2 of a lemon
1/2 c. milk
1/2 c. half and half
1/3 c. light brown sugar
1 stick of butter

-Preheat oven to 350 degrees
-In a small bowl, toss peaches and blueberries with 2 T. of flour and 2 T. of sugar and put aside
-In a large bowl, sift together 1 c. flour, 1/3 c. white sugar and baking powder, add lemon zest, then gently whisk in all milk and half and half and put aside
-Place 3 T. of butter in an 8”x8” pyrex dish and place in the oven until butter melts (this is to prep your baking dish)
-Put remaining 1/2 c. of flour and brown sugar in a bowl and mix
-Melt remaining 5 T. of butter (in a small bowl) and add to above flour and brown sugar mix, using a fork to form crumbles - and put aside
-Remove buttered pyrex dish from the oven (should be well melted) 
-Pour batter into the pyrex dish
-Spoon peaches over top - DO NOT MIX
-Sprinkle crumble topping over the top of the batter/peaches
-Bake in the oven for 35-40 minutes, until cake is deep golden brown
-Cool on a rack, cut chunky peachy & blueberry laden pieces and serve

Carrot Cake Doughnuts With Cream Cheese Frosting (baked doughnuts)

*Recipe follows story 

On Saturday, I spent the day with friends - eating and shopping.
Friends, eating and shopping are on my top 10 list of things that make me happy.  Sure, I can make breakfast at home, but there’s something special about sitting in a booth with friends - making fun of each other and really enjoying a nice breakfast, in the company of others, without worrying about clean up.  

I love to cook, I love it so much, but the hustle is exhausting.  I have to be honest, I’m exhausted lately.  Exhaustion makes me feel unattractive and can only be rectified with retail therapy. And light baking and snacking, of course.  

Breakfast was followed by shopping, and I stumbled upon the black wrap dress I’ve been dreaming of. This dress could fool any man, as well as me when I’m drunk, as it doesn’t really wrap because it’s a faux wrap.  The little details on the waist give the illusion that it might unhook and wrap on the inside, but it doesn’t.  It’s actually comfortable, no band binding my belly, or a tie that could sit in the wrong place and cause extra lumps where I needn’t require anymore.  It hides all female flaw.  It’s absolutely perfect.

A wrap dress is supposed to make someone wonder: What’s going on underneath that little tie?  Does the whole dress come off in one tug?  I can’t wait to unwrap your food loving ass. The dress may still cause wonder, but only I know its secrets.  I love my belly full of baked good dreams and pork filled fantasies and this dress would only make me feel better about my curves.

Next, I had to conquer my quest for new baking and craft supplies. Me walking into Michael’s must be similar to how a drug addict feels when he/she stumbles upon a den of narcotics.  When I walk into Michael’s, suddenly I’m interested in creating silk flower arrangements, making jewelry, scrap booking, knitting, painting and expertly tracing horses and dragons.  I love those weird tracing books. After weaving in and out of all of aisles for an hour, I finally refocused and made my way towards the baking trays.  Lost in between the Wilton whoopie pie and muffin pans, there lay a lone doughnut mold.

Being as I now owned a dress that would hide all physical flaws that eating one too many doughnuts would cause, I had to have access to baking cake treats in the shape of my all time favorite delight. Making any cake in the shape of a doughnut would make consumption slightly more fun, right?  Right.  I had to add it to my  collection. It could live right next to my ceramic chicken pot pie dish that’s in the shape of a chicken, in between the pirate and the giant cupcake mold.    

Done.   

Su’s birthday brunch was on Sunday, and I planned on making some treats for the ladies to enjoy afterwards.  Su’s birthday seemed like the perfect reason to break in the new mold. I went with a carrot cake batter, although I’ve made it here before, because it’s her favorite.  I woke up stupid early on Sunday morning and made my first foray into Fall baking, and my apartment smelled all autumnal and I was loving it.

Dear Cinnamon, Butter and Sugar,

You’re the real deal when you’re baking and you smell so much better than any Bath & Body Works candle ever will.  I love you.  And I found the perfect dress today, to mask the implication of eating too much of your goodness.  Looks like I’m set. 

Sign me up for another doughnut (or two), please. 
I may be tired, but I’m never giving you up.

Love,
Nom noms

For Carrot Cake Doughnuts
*makes 12 

3 c. carrots (chopped)
1/3 c. walnuts + 2 T. (chopped)
1/3 c. raisins
1 1/4 c. all purpose flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. kosher salt
2 eggs
1 T. vanilla extract
1/2 c. canola oil

 -Preheat oven to 450 degrees
-Grease doughnut mold with non-stick cooking spray and put aside
-Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and sugar in a large bowl - whisking together
-In a separate bowl combine eggs, oil and vanilla - whisking until mixed well
-Combine wet ingredients with dry ingredients, gently mixing until all is combined
-Gently fold in carrots, then raisins and 1/3 c. of walnuts
-Fill molds almost to the very top and bake for 8-9 minutes, until toothpick comes out clean
-Put aside, cool in pan for 5-7 minutes, remove doughnuts from their mold and cool on a rack
-Repeat refilling and baking and cooling until ready to frost

For Cream Cheese Frosting

6 oz. cream cheese (room temperature)
1/2 stick butter (4 T. @ room temperature)
1 1/2 c. confectioners sugar

-Beat cream cheese and butter until smooth and combined
-Add confectioners sugar and beat until sugar is completely incorporated
-Frost doughnuts and sprinkle each with remaining chopped walnuts

Doughnuts can be refrigerated for up to 4 days, in an airtight, container.  Before eating, let rest at room temperature for 10-15 minutes.