Deviled Eggs

Guacamole

Buffalo Wings

Recipes follow story

I’d like to make a public apology to my friends:

Thank you for coming over for Super Bowl, I really love having my tiny apartment filled with the scent of wings and friends.  

If you woke up mad bloated this morning, like me, which you probably did because we all ate the same food, then I’m terribly sorry. 

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Deviled eggs, guacamole and wings were only some of the bloat inducing food I served at my small Super Bowl gathering.  I also made spinach dip, you know the one with the mayonaise, sour cream and the packet of Knorr or Lipton Vegetable Mix?  There’s enough salt in that shit to send you right to the ER upon a first spoonful.  Then Nan brought piggies in a blanket, and I can never resist nitrates masked in the buttery goodness of a Pillsbury Crescent Roll.

Now, I tried to balance out the salt by serving vegetables - but chips are just so much more desirable to munch on.  Celery does have a loud, healthy crunch, but it’s not and never will be a blue corn chip.   

This morning I woke up, walked straight to my refrigerator and downed lemon water like I was stuck on a desert all night with no access to hydration.  Then I got on my exercise bike in an effort to “sweat it out.” 

I went to sleep thinking I should’ve given real consideration to Glamour magazines healthy Super Bowl snack suggestions, but I have this thing about eating like a girl - I just can’t do it. 

I’m sure carrot stick houses glued together with hummus are delicious, but that’s what I eat every day.  I needed to eat like a boy. I needed salt.  For one night.    

Do men bloat?  So many of my man-child friends openly admit to eating like shit all the time.  How do you eat wings and drink beer as often as you do and still look hot?  You mustn’t feel hot, I know it.   

*While writing this post, my co-worker just walked by my cubicle admitting that he’s bloated today because of his massive wing consumption last night.  He ate 60 wings.  And a sub or something.  I can’t believe he’s alive and walking around today.  I’m stunned that I’m not passing by his bed in a hospital.  

Thanksgiving doesn’t even do me like those wings did, but I have to be honest - I’d probably roll the dice and do it all over again.  

Happy Eating (and then detoxing).

Deviled Eggs
makes 1 dozen

6 hardboiled eggs
2 T. Grey Pupon
1/4 c. mayonaise
1 tsp. white vinegar
Dash of cayenne
Sprinkle of salt (if you dare)
Paprika or Cayenne for topping 
Pastry bag (if you have one, if not you can pipe the mixture back in to the egg white by using a ziploc bag and making a small cut in one of the two tips at the bottom of the bag) 

 -Slice hardboiled eggs in half, lengthwise, and carefully remove yolks and place in a bowl and arrange egg whites on a plate and put aside
-Add all ingredients to the yolks and mix until smooth
-Place mixture in a pastry bag and fill each egg half
-Top with paprika and serve

Guacamole
serves 6-8

4 ripe avocados (slice lengthwise, pits removed and reserved, and cut into cubes)
6 campari tomatoes or 2 medium plum tomatoes
1 medium onion (diced)
2 jalapenos (seeds removed and minced)
Juice of 1 large lime
Salt to taste
Cilantro (optional)

-Add all ingredients to a large bowl and mix well
-Place pits in the bowl with the guacamole (just warn your guests they’re in there) as they will prevent your guac from turning brown
-Serve with chips (use leftovers to top off scrambled eggs or indulge in Taco night, but I wont - too much salt)

Buffalo Chicken Wings

I pretty much followed this recipe for baked buffalo chicken wings from allrecipes.com but made some Nom nom tweaks as noted below. 

I’m not into frying, so finding a baked wing recipe was the only way I was going to let these chicken parts in my home.  I did half the amount of butter and added more hot sauce to the mixture I used to coat the wings.  Some reviews also noted a lack of flavor in these baked beauties, so I upped the salt (which I why I’m sitting here wanting to unsnap my bra right now), garlic powder and cayenne.  I also might’ve added a douse of onion powder because I thought - well, why not.

Here it is:
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 T. cayenne pepper
1 T. garlic powder
2 tsp. salt
20 chicken wings
1/4 c. melted butter
1 c. hot pepper sauce (such as Frank’s RedHot)
 
-Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil, and lightly grease with cooking spray
-Place the flour, cayenne pepper, garlic powder, and salt into a resealable plastic bag, and shake to mix. Add the chicken wings, seal, and toss until well coated with the flour mixture
Place the wings onto the prepared baking sheet, and place into the refrigerator. Refrigerate at least 1 hour
-Preheat oven to 400 degrees
-Whisk together the melted butter and hot sauce in a small bowl
-Dip the wings into the butter mixture, and place back on the baking sheet
-Bake in the preheated oven until the chicken is no longer pink in the center, and crispy on the outside, about 45 minutes
-Turn the wings over halfway during cooking so they cook evenly

Dear Crobin, my little pulpo -

Thank you for the Hail Mary, Filled My Face part of the title. 
You’re such a wordsmith.

Love,

Tbag