Orecchiette With Broccolirabe, Broccoli Florets and Sausage

Jamaican Rock Buns

Jack Daniels Apple Cake

Recipes follow story

I’m not going to lie, I can’t, not here.  I’m always honest in this space.  I’ve been going through somewhat of a cereal  eating, lay on my couch and watch stand-up comedy phase - while burrowed in blankets and protecting myself from the world.

A downward spiral of thinking about family, dudes, should I go out - I should go out - but I don’t want to go out, has been numbing me.  Numbing me so much I have no new meals, stories or anything to speak of.  I’m a tank of this weird combination of elation and melancholy.  I know, it doesn’t seem possible to be both happy and depressed at once - but I am and I have mastered a balance with this shit which makes me OK.

The equation is:  happiness + sadness + accepting times will be good and shit = YOU’RE OK 

The Happiness:

To be on my couch eating cinnamon toast crunch and watching tv while wrapped up in blankets.  It’s feels so good and right that it’s almost wrong.  I haven’t been completely anti-social, I have Facetimed with friends so they know I’m still breathing and not just ignoring their invitations to get together.  Although I am attached to my blanket fort I am leaving my house and trotting off to work everyday - quite happily.  The tv I am watching is not depressing.  I’m not watching Sylvia and writing bad poetry like Daddy, Part Deux or Lady Lazarus Returns.  No.  I’m draining my brain on filthy stand-up comedy because cereal dinner tastes better with blow job, boob and raunchy sex jokes.  I do this alone and I’m more than happy that that’s the case because my faith in ever finding a life partner is slowly dwindling - but I’m comfortable with that.  Besides, I’ve booked and planned a trip to Tulum where I plan on starring the lead in How Tinamarie Theresa Got Her Groove Back.  I’ll probably sit on my hammock, eat alone and talk to no one for 7 days, while I avoid eye contact with anyone who dare look my way when I am standing in my bathing suit, but it’s nice to think that fun and non-traumatic nudity could be a possibility.  

The Sadness:

As I’m laying on my couch, with no life force, like a blob - but surprisingly not having gained any weight - not even as a result of bloating (this should be filed under The Happiness), I’m thinking about the fact that I’m unevenly wearing in my new couch.  I’m laying there, right, with more body pressure on the center cushion than on the outer ones. I think about standing up and doing a quick flip, re-arranging the cushions for even wear, but putting the cereal bowl down on the floor, taking the blanket off, getting up - all seem way to taxing.  I think about doing it when I get up to move to my bedroom for real sleep, but I just walk on by.  In the morning I do the same thing; I walk on by.  It’s like I don’t really care about my couch, it’s sad.  While I lay, on my couch, in my bed (wait, I flipped my mattress last weekend - THE HAPPINESS) my mind cycles through the traumatic events that have unfolded in my life in the past few weeks, like being left naked in my bed, family issues that have my mind in a whirl and wondering what I’m doing with my life and whether or not it matters that I don’t have a plan.  

Now, don’t be too concerned - like I said - I’m eating and I’m leaving my house for light socializing - I even managed to go out last Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  I just haven’t found it in me to cook.  Not once, mid-lay or mid-wrist  twist to get the right remote angle from couch to tv did I think I should be cooking, what can I cook?  I should visit the grocery.  Almond milk, cereal, grilled chicken and fresh vegetables have been tiding me over.  I’m staring at food photos I took, stories and recipes I haven’t written, that $500 credit from my food photography class.  I’m frozen.  When my heart’s not open.  Madonna went through a weird phase with that Ray of Light album.  In the Frozen video I always thought it would be much cooler were she to morph from scary Madonna, clad in black garb with that terrible dye job - into the Brandon Lee reincarnate.  The color and the way that video was shot always reminded me of The Crow.  I suggest a Brandon Lee button surprise to close the video if she ever does decide to revisit this song.  I would’ve been much happier had she done that from the get go.

Anyway, here are some old recipes, which are new to you because you wouldn’t have known any better had I not been so honest.

I could pretend right now.  Pretend that I’ve been cooking and chopping and drinking wine and giggling, but there’s so much make believe behavior going down around me that I needed to be brutally honest with you and myself.  

I hate myself for being so honest sometimes.

Orecchiette With Broccolirabe, Broccoli Florets and Sausage

3 T. extra virgin olive oil
1 lb. spicy sausage (remove from the casing)
2 heads broccolirabe (cleaned and de-stemmed)
2 broccoli crowns (stems trimmed, leave about 1”)
6-8 cloves garlic (peeled, smashed and sliced)
Red pepper flakes
1 pint grape tomatoes (halved)
1 lb. orecchiette (cooked al dente according to instructions and reserve a cup of pasta water)
Kosher salt to taste
Locatelli for serving
Olive oil for serving

-Heat olive oil in a large stock pot and add sausage, cooking for 8-10 minutes or so, until all sausage is light brown
-Add garlic and red pepper flakes, tossing with sausage and cook for 5-7 minutes
-Add broccolirabe to the pot in batches, adding more as each batch cooks down, drizzling with olive oil between tossing 
-Once all broccolirabe has been added, toss in broccoli florets 
-Cook for an additional 10 minutes, then add tomatoes, salt and cook until vegetables are tender and tomatoes have collapsed
-Serve hot, over orecchiette pasta, drizzle with olive oil and top with grated Locatelli

Jamaican Rock Buns

To complete my West Indian dinner,  which took place over a month ago, and I still haven’t posted all of the recipes – pathetic -  I landed on these sweet treats.  I referenced a recipe from The Trini Gourmet and combined it with my very own scone recipe.  You can find the recipe and some background info on Jamaican Rock Buns or Toto – right here.

Jack Daniels Apple Cake

I had a bottle of Jack in the house.  Rather than have friends over for shots or enjoy a little sip over ice while laying, alone on my couch – that’s just a suicide PSA waiting to happen – I cooked with the stuff.

3 apples (peeled and cut into cubes)
2 T. Jack Daniels
1 1/2 c. flour + 2 T.
1/3 c. white sugar + 2 T.
2 tsp. baking powder
Zest from 1/2 of a lemon
1/2 c. milk
1/2 c. half and half
1/2 c. slivered almonds
1/3 c. light brown sugar
1 stick of butter

-Preheat oven to 350 degrees
-In a small bowl, toss apples with 2 T. of sugar and 2 T. of Jack and put aside
-In a large bowl, sift together 1 c. flour, 1/3 c. white sugar and baking powder, add lemon zest, then gently whisk in all milk and half and half and put aside
-Place 3 T. of butter in an 8”x8” pyrex dish and place in the oven until butter melts (this is to prep your baking dish)
-Put remaining 1/2 c. of flour, brown sugar and slivered almonds in a bowl and mix
-Melt remaining 5 T. of butter (in a small bowl) and add to above flour, brown sugar an almond mix, using a fork to coat almonds - and put aside
-Remove buttered pyrex dish from the oven (should be well melted) 
-Pour batter into the pyrex dish
-Spoon apples over top - DO NOT MIX
-Sprinkle almond crumble topping over the top 
-Bake in the oven for 35-40 minutes, until cake is deep golden brown
-Cool on a rack, cut chunky boozy slices and lay on your couch