Paco the Pirate Carrot Cake

*Recipe follows story

Birthday Cake Bake-off Mission #1 was accomplished, but I still had one more to go.

The cupcake mold made me nervous, but the Pirate mold - staring back at me - which was to be Su’s birthday cake - gave me a full on anxiety attack. 

Su earned her pirate birthday cake by way of a conversation we had one day:  

Me: Hey, Boluda, how are you feeling?
Su: Ugh, I got me period.
Me: Ah, a pirate with her period!
Su: Hahaha.  I meant my, I meant my!

Too late, Su is forever deemed a pirate.  

And, of course, being 30 and all - we speak to each other in Pirate - daily.  Argh, I’m tired.  How are you matey?  Good morning, mate.  I’d rather walk the plank than wake up in the morning.  I’m a bloated pirate - as me feasted too much last night, argh.

We’re ridiculous, and it’s fun to act obtuse.  

Not only was I afraid the cake would never come out of the mold - after piecing the cracked cupcake back together -  but this was sure to be a learning curve in the decoration arena.  I don’t decorate.  I plate things, I take pictures and I write.  Done.  

I’m just a lady who likes to cook in her tiny apartment, with her farting dog lying next to her.  I don’t know jack about so many things… 

However, by Sunday - I wizened up.  After walking Josie, falling flat on my ass, spraining my ankle, hurting my hip, and becoming a crooked ass pirate myself, I picked up the phone to cry to my mother  - and to discuss the greater issue at hand - cake.  I had a  chat with my mom, aired to her my woes of the cupcake catastrophe,  and immediately took a gimp through Key Food.  I found PAM with flour, which my mother claimed would be the sure fire solution to easing the Pirate out of his mold…

As I limped, I thought about how much I love my mom and how I was going to be really, realy angry if she was lying, as I had a fucked up walk and people were staring as though I had a Pirate peg leg.  Although, I’d like to think people were staring because of the way my ass looks in yoga pants.

Su didn’t make a specific request, so I made a carrot cake.  She loves carrot cake - and I make a delectable one - so if the PAM with flour, and my decorating skills succeeded - I’d be made - if not - fucked.

Do you know what happened?
Wait for it…  

Paco the pirate emerged from his humble mold with ease!
He was alive and in one piece!
No sticking.  No need for butter knives and or a spanking.
Paco behaved; unlike Nancy’s naughty cupcake.   

Paco was fashioned with a hat, a patch and shoes - all made of cream cheese frosting and raisins.  His smallish and compact body was also framed in raisins - and he bore a chest of gold (en - raisins).

Good thing my dessert guests love raisins. 

Paco the pirate was pretty freaking cute - and tasty.

Happy Birthday, Matey.
I’d do it for you, with a limp, all over again.
Argh. 

Carrot Cake

1 1/2 c. all purpose flour
1/2 c. sugar
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
3/4 c. vegetable oil
2 eggs
1 T. vanilla
4 c. carrots (whole bag of baby carrots will do it)
1/2 c. mixed raisins & 1/2 c. chopped walnuts (optional but highly recommended)

-Preheat oven to 350 degrees
-Combine all dry ingredients in a bowl and whisk together
-In a separate bowl, combine wet ingredients (vegetable oil, eggs and vanilla) and beat with a whisk
-Combine wet mix to dry ingredients and gently fold together - just until all flour/white is gone
-Fold in carrots
-Fold in raisins and walnuts
-Bake for 25-30 minutes - if using a muffin mold - 35 for bundt or 40 for a Pirate, argh

Cream Cheese Frosting

4 oz. 1/3 less fat cream cheese
1/3 c. confectioners sugar (sifted)
1 tsp. lemon zest (optional) 

-With an electric mixer, beat cream cheese and confectioners sugar together until smooth - add lemon zest if desired

Drizzle cream cheese frosting
Pile it on thick
It’s your cake - do as you wish